Jalapeno Fartz

“Jalapeno’s Sucked. They burned my lips.” Mexican Food bro. Del Taco Jalapenos dont do that to me. Del Tacos have all the flavor though. I think they are pickled. I cannot believe no one else’s lips were burning. Everyone elses lips must be crusty AF. I have those smooth lips that burn easy. “How many times have I typed Jalapeno Fartz for it to be in my predictive text?” With a “Z” none the less? I like Panda with Sriacha. That’s a Sauce I like. Mellow.Chris Phelps

Glad to not be Aaron Cunningham

As long as I know there is a guy out there named Aaron Cunningham I am a little bit happier about my situation. Talk about a trainwreck. Grey by what? 22? Aaron stood in that “Make me ugly AF so I have to be successful” Line. Not a bad choice I guess but still have to look at the guy. I sometimes turn away from him when he’s around. The freckles thank god block the shiny head thing he has going on. It Makes my soul smile for a second knowing he needs to powder his forehead.

Panther Fights Fires

I am going to try to become a 911 Dispatcher and if that falls through I am just gonna fight fires. Someone will be like “omg is that guy putting out fires all by himself? Let’s hire him” then when they come to offer me some great job I will say something cool like “Putting out fires isn’t just my job, it’s my passion”.